My alarm had not yet gone off and I was awakened to the rustling of the covers as my wife slipped out of bed beating me to the morning shower just a few minutes shy of my morning routine. I am no more entitled to be first, but I will admit I like being first into the shower as it feels to me somewhat like getiing into cool covers in bed at night even when I seek warmth. It is refreshing to feel the heat creep upon me as opposed to the existing steam of being second in line.
Since I had a few minutes prior to my turn, I ventured downstairs to pour my self a cup of coffee as I like to let it stand for a few minutes as I am not the "scalding hot' type of guy when trying to awaken. I just want to drink it warm, quick, and keep going. Upon opening the cupboard, I was startled by the cascade of cups that had started to fall upon opening the door. We have alot of cups as kids never recycle a glass, so once we are blessed with a complete cycle of the dishwasher, we often find the cupboard filled to capacity often with one or two cups precariously shoved in like passengers on a Japanese subway car. Sadly the one that chose to make its' getaway was my favorite glass; a gift from a friend that I loved as it was perfect for holding a tall glass of ice and a complete can of soda. It was a frosted green color with ridges alongside making it easy to grasp even with its' larger than average girth. It now lay in shards scattered about the counter and floor and among my bare feet.
I tiptoed through the pieces like walking through a minefield until I was able to retrieve the dustpan and hand broom, and cleaned the mess thankfully less disturbed than I thought I would be. In the past, this type of incident could have easily derailed my day, even though trivial, but I noticed I was able to maintain composure and diligently pick up the mess, and suprisingly without seeking blame or vengeance.
Coffee mug in hand, I poured my French vanilla creamer as I caught a glance out my kitchen window to notice that not only had a varmit sought my garbage can as his diner of choice last night, but the cans upon tumbling had taken out two of our mum's in the cascade. Two cans, two planters and some random garbage and a half eaten biscuit lay in the driveway between my door and the car which I was now going to have to tend to prior to taking my son to school. As I shook my head in a "are you kidding me?" sort of fashion, I was still able to stay calm even in the face of escalating inconvenient circumstances. Strike two.
After making my way to the shower, the awareness that the kids were awake was punctuated by their taunts of one another causing me to rapidly seek the solace of my couch and a few minutes of the news before having to make their lunches. The teasing escalated and seemed to increase in volume, yet it was only my shields wearing thin and dropping. My wife intercepted the "enough is enough" speech sparing the strike three that usually meant that "Mt. Dad" was about to erupt.
Lunches packed, kids screaming fading, my son sensed perhaps through my quietness that I really was "white knuckling it", and seemed to become rather accomodating and not needing the nudges typical to get him out the door. Backpack and lunchbox in hand, we made it out the door and into the SUV. I helped him in, closed the door, and moved to my door noticing my glove box open, ashtray open, console open, belongings strewn about, and my expensive GPS and money missing from the dash. Strike three...
I found that I just sat there in silence, and just exhaled. I noticed that I did not "blow" even after realizing I had been robbed, but I also realized that I did not feel "normal". Acceptance would be a good word, but also frustration was the wrapper on the situation. I was very aware I was upset, but was going to be okay, but felt temporarily defeated. Like the guy who got a wedgie from the bully, and just decided to walk home with the wedgie remaining wedged as a sign of succumbing to the situation.
I backed out of the drive and got my son to school minutes later. Still shocked as to how my morning was going, I sat quietly and just stared. Calm, but staring ahead in silence, I felt a presence to my right, and my son had unfastened his seatbelt, and leaned forward between the seats and said, "Dad, I love you!", kissed me on the temple and gave me a hug. Usually it is the adult "kissing the boo-boo", but I was glad to allow my son to take on the responsibility. His kiss was like an etch-a-sketch being shaken allowing me to start the day over and with a new perspective of what is important.
I realize now that I can choose how long I wish to hold onto the random circumstances that occur in life and label them into becoming catastrophic. Being a "victim" is a perspective in this instance I can cling to or shed at will. I reflected as I was looking at my "losses" and was reminded of hearing of a friends' day yesterday where she was lamenting not only losing one, but both parents on the exact same date over the years and that she was really missing her family, to where mine was safe and a phone call away. My desire for retribution was not going to bring back my belongings or further punish the perpetrator, and playing the events over and over just allowed them to keep happening to me. I am thankful that I was able to remain "intact", but that there was a "lifeguard on duty" as my son's gesture arrived at the perfect time, in the perfect capacity to remind me of what is truly important; that I have alot, and life is still pretty good. It is the storms that show us where the leaks are, and after this rain, I see where I can use a few patches. I am just thankful that my son was there to patch my leak before I allowed my roof to cave in.
Showing posts with label Positive message. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Positive message. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Right here, right now!
I recently posted a note on the home page of my social networking site referencing a quote I happened to enjoy that morning. It has become a new practice of mine to only say encouraging or uplifting things on the site as I find myself so entirely weary of using the forum to gather negative momentum in my life by not only experiencing something less than favorable in my life, but to post it and then seek affirmation or support for my disgust. To me, posting how "life sucks", or "having a bad day" is simply acknowledging it as being true or real. I figured I will get back what I put out there ten fold over so why not try a little positive energy and support for others needing a "nudge" in the right direction?
My post loosely interpreted was that perhaps it may be wise to take a break from "searching for happiness, to just simply be happy". I liked that. I too have decided that, like any skill, being able to overcome obstacles and to dispel some of the undesired mental states we can find ourselves in is a skill indeed and like anything from sports, to cooking, to martial arts is an acquired art form coming through diligent practice. There are many practices, avenues, belief systems, tomes, and activities that could honestly make the quest perpetual and lifelong. We could spend the duration of our lives feverishly and unceasingly in a quest for elimination of the negatives that we encounter to find serenity and understanding of the sinister events that we perceive plague us.
I noticed too that in the actual "act" of learning, and especially "searching", diverted our focus to "what is out there", and that there is a "lack" in us to which me must seek to fill the void. That in and of itself can be distressing if we look at it. Although the trek to find a happier existence is truly noble and better than entertaining the mindest of a victim or hopelessness, it in itself can be a paradox as to the quest itself is a proclamatiom of the "absence" of happiness itself, that it is "out there", and not within our possession.
As I write this, I look up to my left and see my collection of DVD's, books upon books, CD's, and various support items that I too use and or used to seek the elusive "state" that would validate why we are all here. I have spent hours upon hours reading, viewing, praying, meditating, contemplating, and searching for the best way to be a happier me. I also find, as I reflect, that I often felt compelled to get through one book, as another awaited, to search the net for a class that is out there, to get to my meditation and see that my focus also was diverted to that which was not yet here. I had alot of work to do. Lots of reading, viewing, and yet there always came more. I drank it in, and did, and do enjoy the reading and wisdom that is to be shared with myself and others. I really get inspired, and love sharing the sentiment.
I also see that as I searched, I often sacrificed time that could have been spent on other experiences as I was afraid to waste the rest of my life longing for what was my destiny, so I felt, I better get to the study, the reading, the sitting in the presence of others finding the lost element that would make it all make sense. My vision was that of looking through the looking glass to see the heavens that were currently out of reach. I could see it, but it was not yet in my grasp. I saw what I wanted, the recipe was just not yet finished. I too got caught on the hamster wheel...
I see now that often times on the quest for "happiness", we can spend too much time looking at or for the "map" that we lose the joy of the journey. The further down the path we look or search, diverts us from experiencing where happiness and joy reside which is now. Why do I want to be happy? To enjoy life, right now!
I see one of the biggest common threads in my learning, my studies, readings, religion, and experiences show that being "present" is where peace, joy, love and connection lie. Be where you are when you are there, that is the key to joy. If we are here, now, we cannot allow tomorrow's problems to haunt us today, and yesterday's incidents and burdens are of the past and therefore are no longer a threat. I see now that the safest, truest, and most fulfilling place I can be is here.
I will definitely continue my studies, my reading, my times of reflection, but I now see them as a supplement to my positive existence. A way to "Feng Shui" what I now experience. I also see that the ups and downs, like that of a heartbeat are simply life's fluctuating pulse, that simply means I am alive, and for that I am grateful. I realize the happiness I seek is within me now, and sometimes it may need a little polish to allow it to shine brighter. It is that beacon within me that will keep my atention to where it belongs. To me, happiness comes from presence, presence is connection, connection is divine, and in the divine love is found. What a better way to find happiness? Now rather than seeking for what I may still be missing, I now will take an inventory of that which I am currently blessed with; and that make me happy. Right here, right now!
My post loosely interpreted was that perhaps it may be wise to take a break from "searching for happiness, to just simply be happy". I liked that. I too have decided that, like any skill, being able to overcome obstacles and to dispel some of the undesired mental states we can find ourselves in is a skill indeed and like anything from sports, to cooking, to martial arts is an acquired art form coming through diligent practice. There are many practices, avenues, belief systems, tomes, and activities that could honestly make the quest perpetual and lifelong. We could spend the duration of our lives feverishly and unceasingly in a quest for elimination of the negatives that we encounter to find serenity and understanding of the sinister events that we perceive plague us.
I noticed too that in the actual "act" of learning, and especially "searching", diverted our focus to "what is out there", and that there is a "lack" in us to which me must seek to fill the void. That in and of itself can be distressing if we look at it. Although the trek to find a happier existence is truly noble and better than entertaining the mindest of a victim or hopelessness, it in itself can be a paradox as to the quest itself is a proclamatiom of the "absence" of happiness itself, that it is "out there", and not within our possession.
As I write this, I look up to my left and see my collection of DVD's, books upon books, CD's, and various support items that I too use and or used to seek the elusive "state" that would validate why we are all here. I have spent hours upon hours reading, viewing, praying, meditating, contemplating, and searching for the best way to be a happier me. I also find, as I reflect, that I often felt compelled to get through one book, as another awaited, to search the net for a class that is out there, to get to my meditation and see that my focus also was diverted to that which was not yet here. I had alot of work to do. Lots of reading, viewing, and yet there always came more. I drank it in, and did, and do enjoy the reading and wisdom that is to be shared with myself and others. I really get inspired, and love sharing the sentiment.
I also see that as I searched, I often sacrificed time that could have been spent on other experiences as I was afraid to waste the rest of my life longing for what was my destiny, so I felt, I better get to the study, the reading, the sitting in the presence of others finding the lost element that would make it all make sense. My vision was that of looking through the looking glass to see the heavens that were currently out of reach. I could see it, but it was not yet in my grasp. I saw what I wanted, the recipe was just not yet finished. I too got caught on the hamster wheel...
I see now that often times on the quest for "happiness", we can spend too much time looking at or for the "map" that we lose the joy of the journey. The further down the path we look or search, diverts us from experiencing where happiness and joy reside which is now. Why do I want to be happy? To enjoy life, right now!
I see one of the biggest common threads in my learning, my studies, readings, religion, and experiences show that being "present" is where peace, joy, love and connection lie. Be where you are when you are there, that is the key to joy. If we are here, now, we cannot allow tomorrow's problems to haunt us today, and yesterday's incidents and burdens are of the past and therefore are no longer a threat. I see now that the safest, truest, and most fulfilling place I can be is here.
I will definitely continue my studies, my reading, my times of reflection, but I now see them as a supplement to my positive existence. A way to "Feng Shui" what I now experience. I also see that the ups and downs, like that of a heartbeat are simply life's fluctuating pulse, that simply means I am alive, and for that I am grateful. I realize the happiness I seek is within me now, and sometimes it may need a little polish to allow it to shine brighter. It is that beacon within me that will keep my atention to where it belongs. To me, happiness comes from presence, presence is connection, connection is divine, and in the divine love is found. What a better way to find happiness? Now rather than seeking for what I may still be missing, I now will take an inventory of that which I am currently blessed with; and that make me happy. Right here, right now!
Monday, September 28, 2009
"Not me..."
I have posted this ponderance of mine before, but I will here again. Ever notice when we wrong others, we desire 'silent accountability'? However, when others wrong us, we require 'public retribution'?
Now this mind you is quite interesting, but I think the deeper part is that I find, many people do not think the rules of life/society/spirituality apply to them. I notice this so often, sad to say, in the simplest of environments. For some reason, as I have been able to take my son to kindergarten, I too have gone "back to school". Many of my insights have come in the mornings as I observe and reflect in these simple moments that start my day.
For simple example, I see how especially in, but not limited to, our children observe what is going on around them to justify their actions as being 'acceptable'. Kind of 'monkey see, monkey do'. They will also look up to get the nod of approval from their parents, and those they look up to to justify and reconcile their actions. I notice in my own kids how they are somewhat aware of what is expected of them, but as kids do, they will push the boundaries, perhaps out of 'expressing themselves' or just simple mischief, but it is we the parents who are responsible for keeping our kids "between the ditches" and on the straight and narrow.
Aside from the social laws we have to abide by, there are also ones of courtesy, comfort, and those that regulate the flow of the days procedures that are imposed by my children's school. From the 'stop, drop, and go' point where you let kids out of the car, to a 'no dogs' policy to keep our school grounds free from animal excrement for health reasons, and a variety of others, I have observed an epidemic that our kids are being exposed to on a regular basis. The epidemic that "the rules apply to you, and not to me".
For example in reference to the above points. I see daily, people bringing their dogs on school grounds blatantly after the school has sent out a message that it is unacceptable. With a smug attitude of "not me" and poo bag in tow, I see it regularly and have to explain to my 5 year old why he cannot walk his dog to school. That some parents maybe have to go back to school to learn to read the memo.
I see daily people parking in handicapped spaces right up front of the school, thinking that "I will only be here for a moment", when perhaps the rest of the city would feel the same as we ALL only need a moment to drop off our kids. It is simply the law, and God forbid, if it was their child who was in a wheel chair needing to utilize the space. Not only public retribution, but public execution would be summoned.
I see parents jaywalking past the crossing guards. This not only disrupts the fact that the child has had to wait five years to be able to obtain the right and authority to sport the safety attire and the right to represent their school as a safety attendant, but it also states that it is okay for "my kid" to bypass the rules, to put themselves in harms way, and that the traffic laws do not apply. Now, what would those people do if someone walked right past their child with the same flagrant attitude of disinterest for their position without even the care to cast their eyes upon them with any acknowledgment of their duties? Would they "let it go" if someone accidentally hit heir child with a car someday when they did it in absence of their parents?
I see not only traffic and social violation, but I find the difficulty in trying to explain to an impressionable young mind why it is "okay" for some to break the rules and not others. Why my children are held accountable and not others. I see the confusion in his eyes and I find it disturbing. I find it disturbing that some will allow themselves to act in such a way with complete abandon, but if done to them or in their presence, they will find it apalling, disturbing, or at least of concern worthy of gossip and finger pointing.
I have heard it before that all we ever need to know, we learned in Kindergarten; "follow the rules, keep your hands to yourself, play nice" to name a few. I think after seeing many 'repeat offenders' dropping off their kids daily at school to get "an education" should remember that we as parents are our kids greatest teachers, and they mimic those they respect. The school has their job as we do on the homefront. Our kids observe our actions and how we follow the rules to find out how they too should follow the rules and to how they will be help accountable. Let's not confuse them any more than the world tries to. If this concept is too hard for some to grasp; perhaps some people should take another round of Kindergarten.
Now this mind you is quite interesting, but I think the deeper part is that I find, many people do not think the rules of life/society/spirituality apply to them. I notice this so often, sad to say, in the simplest of environments. For some reason, as I have been able to take my son to kindergarten, I too have gone "back to school". Many of my insights have come in the mornings as I observe and reflect in these simple moments that start my day.
For simple example, I see how especially in, but not limited to, our children observe what is going on around them to justify their actions as being 'acceptable'. Kind of 'monkey see, monkey do'. They will also look up to get the nod of approval from their parents, and those they look up to to justify and reconcile their actions. I notice in my own kids how they are somewhat aware of what is expected of them, but as kids do, they will push the boundaries, perhaps out of 'expressing themselves' or just simple mischief, but it is we the parents who are responsible for keeping our kids "between the ditches" and on the straight and narrow.
Aside from the social laws we have to abide by, there are also ones of courtesy, comfort, and those that regulate the flow of the days procedures that are imposed by my children's school. From the 'stop, drop, and go' point where you let kids out of the car, to a 'no dogs' policy to keep our school grounds free from animal excrement for health reasons, and a variety of others, I have observed an epidemic that our kids are being exposed to on a regular basis. The epidemic that "the rules apply to you, and not to me".
For example in reference to the above points. I see daily, people bringing their dogs on school grounds blatantly after the school has sent out a message that it is unacceptable. With a smug attitude of "not me" and poo bag in tow, I see it regularly and have to explain to my 5 year old why he cannot walk his dog to school. That some parents maybe have to go back to school to learn to read the memo.
I see daily people parking in handicapped spaces right up front of the school, thinking that "I will only be here for a moment", when perhaps the rest of the city would feel the same as we ALL only need a moment to drop off our kids. It is simply the law, and God forbid, if it was their child who was in a wheel chair needing to utilize the space. Not only public retribution, but public execution would be summoned.
I see parents jaywalking past the crossing guards. This not only disrupts the fact that the child has had to wait five years to be able to obtain the right and authority to sport the safety attire and the right to represent their school as a safety attendant, but it also states that it is okay for "my kid" to bypass the rules, to put themselves in harms way, and that the traffic laws do not apply. Now, what would those people do if someone walked right past their child with the same flagrant attitude of disinterest for their position without even the care to cast their eyes upon them with any acknowledgment of their duties? Would they "let it go" if someone accidentally hit heir child with a car someday when they did it in absence of their parents?
I see not only traffic and social violation, but I find the difficulty in trying to explain to an impressionable young mind why it is "okay" for some to break the rules and not others. Why my children are held accountable and not others. I see the confusion in his eyes and I find it disturbing. I find it disturbing that some will allow themselves to act in such a way with complete abandon, but if done to them or in their presence, they will find it apalling, disturbing, or at least of concern worthy of gossip and finger pointing.
I have heard it before that all we ever need to know, we learned in Kindergarten; "follow the rules, keep your hands to yourself, play nice" to name a few. I think after seeing many 'repeat offenders' dropping off their kids daily at school to get "an education" should remember that we as parents are our kids greatest teachers, and they mimic those they respect. The school has their job as we do on the homefront. Our kids observe our actions and how we follow the rules to find out how they too should follow the rules and to how they will be help accountable. Let's not confuse them any more than the world tries to. If this concept is too hard for some to grasp; perhaps some people should take another round of Kindergarten.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Time flies when you aren't having fun...
This was an interesting revelation as I was strolling this Friday morning with my son, enjoying our early morning walk to school, well, his walk to school, my final march before work, and something hit me as I found myself noticing how fast the apparent week had flown.
The week, as well as many other days, and even years had flown by as I, and a multitude of others, seem to wish ourselves ahead trying to "get through" certain obligations and obstacles that stand between us and that which we desire to enjoy. From our frequented phrases such as "hump day" pertaining to getting over the hump of the week, and onto TGIF, which I am sure we are all aware of the acronym's definition, we seem to place ourselves in a continual state of longing. From wishing we were older as children, to wishing Christmas would come, to desiring the unhindered ability to drink a legal beer, we often find that there is often something between us, and that which we crave to enjoy. The culprit is time.
I found today, as I often do, that I was projecting forward to the tasks that lay before me that I had to either tackle or endure to be able to find myself in the mental state of "leisure" and unobstruction, to where I could find peace and or happiness that would allow me to enjoy what I consider "freedom". I think "freedom" is a chosen "perspective" that is the antithesis of having obligations that we either find mundane, or cumbersome; and that our jobs, kids, chores and whatnot, often are hinderances to us, disallowing our "freedom" to be able to enjoy that which we as simple humans have to perform for financial as well as physical sustainability. Basically we gotta work to be able to play. We have to be there for our kids, so our kids will want to be there with us. We have to pay our bills and our dues as a normal course in our lives to have the ability to have that "freedom" we find elusive. As has been stated, "freedom is another word for nothing left to lose".
I find also interesting that once we get our "weekend" or "freedom" per se, it is not long before we begin to project and dread the upcoming new week that can hinder our ability to truly enjoy the time which we crave. We will often spend the "quality time" bemoaning that it will soon be over as many do on Sundays. We hop immediately back on the "mental hamster wheel" further making it difficult to "be where you are when you are there"...
In always trying to "get through", or to get ahead, or to wrap things up, we will seemingly diminsh the most precious of resources we have and that is time. In "working for the weekend", or "hang on baby, Friday's coming", or clock watching, we seem to speed up the resource of time therefore propelling us towards our demise as fast as we propel towards happy hour. In longing for this time to speed up, it often ironically appears to us inversely and seems to slow down while we long for the end of our suffering, working, or tasks before us. We can't get through things fast enough. Therefore the paradox lies that in "wishing our lives" away, we can often find ourselves lamenting and wondering where the proverbial time went. Well, due to our desires and perceptions, we wish it away with our wishes being granted. This not only includes the stuff we dislike, but the joys and memories that can be contained therein, as well as time is 'collective' and does not isolate certain things categorically. This I mean is, it is an 'all or nothing deal'. If you wish time would speed up, so does our joys, our youth, and the youth of our children, and the multitude of other small wonders that fill the gaps in between the time we work. In a normal week, we have 168 hours, and spend 40-ish on the job, meaning we spend less than 25% of our lives working. That 25% subsidizes the "freedom" and joy we crave. Not a bad return on investment, and one I wish I get get in interest or stocks.
I also observed that when we are also enjoying ourselves, time does appear to fly as our desires to hold onto a moment battles with the reality of fleeting time. The harder we try to hold on to our youth, joy, intimate moments, our children's youth and attention is rivaled with the reality of the clock's progression. However, I have found that when I am truly present and not bound by projection; disconnection and sadness that the event will conlcude, I can be present in the moments I cherish, and they seem to disconnect from normal time perspective, and can seem to take on a 'mystical time isolation' that is free from time that is stated on the face of a watch. We can detach and drink in the moments we crave with enduring joy not only in experience, but also in reflection, and memories that we can indellibly stamp in our lives and our minds by remaining present in our daily routines. By having one foot placed on the fast-forward button, we take that one foot and place it ahead of us, unstabilizing our footing in what can be a much more pleasant "now". So time can "slow down" when you are having fun as well if you let it...
I have found that it is how we choose to embrace time whether or not it will drag, or propel at alarming rates in what goes on now in front of us. In the grand spatial perspective of our lives, this is also true when we look back at our lives as a whole. It is our "perspective" of what is happening to us and how we label it as "good or bad" or "happy or sad" that makes the endurance tolerable. One thing though is true; time is our most precious resource. Time does not care how we feel about that which goes on around us as it ominously ticks away. Next time you are in front of your DVD player or DVR, hit the fast forward button of a movie you have never seen, and then see how much you get out of it. See how many of the details you remember. How interesting is the dialogue? One thing is for certain, there is no rewind button in life.
So as I continued through out the day, as I examined those comments from people wishing the day/week to be over, "happy hour approaches", and desires for a rapid conclusion for the week, I am reminded that I need to be more mindful of how I can throw my life into hyperdrive. No matter my will or desires, there will always be the same amount of minutes, hours, and days in a week. I cannot truly speed up or slow down time. I can only choose the perspective in which I observe it all. I have also found that we all will reach the "finish line", but I realize that is a race I really do not care to win.
The week, as well as many other days, and even years had flown by as I, and a multitude of others, seem to wish ourselves ahead trying to "get through" certain obligations and obstacles that stand between us and that which we desire to enjoy. From our frequented phrases such as "hump day" pertaining to getting over the hump of the week, and onto TGIF, which I am sure we are all aware of the acronym's definition, we seem to place ourselves in a continual state of longing. From wishing we were older as children, to wishing Christmas would come, to desiring the unhindered ability to drink a legal beer, we often find that there is often something between us, and that which we crave to enjoy. The culprit is time.
I found today, as I often do, that I was projecting forward to the tasks that lay before me that I had to either tackle or endure to be able to find myself in the mental state of "leisure" and unobstruction, to where I could find peace and or happiness that would allow me to enjoy what I consider "freedom". I think "freedom" is a chosen "perspective" that is the antithesis of having obligations that we either find mundane, or cumbersome; and that our jobs, kids, chores and whatnot, often are hinderances to us, disallowing our "freedom" to be able to enjoy that which we as simple humans have to perform for financial as well as physical sustainability. Basically we gotta work to be able to play. We have to be there for our kids, so our kids will want to be there with us. We have to pay our bills and our dues as a normal course in our lives to have the ability to have that "freedom" we find elusive. As has been stated, "freedom is another word for nothing left to lose".
I find also interesting that once we get our "weekend" or "freedom" per se, it is not long before we begin to project and dread the upcoming new week that can hinder our ability to truly enjoy the time which we crave. We will often spend the "quality time" bemoaning that it will soon be over as many do on Sundays. We hop immediately back on the "mental hamster wheel" further making it difficult to "be where you are when you are there"...
In always trying to "get through", or to get ahead, or to wrap things up, we will seemingly diminsh the most precious of resources we have and that is time. In "working for the weekend", or "hang on baby, Friday's coming", or clock watching, we seem to speed up the resource of time therefore propelling us towards our demise as fast as we propel towards happy hour. In longing for this time to speed up, it often ironically appears to us inversely and seems to slow down while we long for the end of our suffering, working, or tasks before us. We can't get through things fast enough. Therefore the paradox lies that in "wishing our lives" away, we can often find ourselves lamenting and wondering where the proverbial time went. Well, due to our desires and perceptions, we wish it away with our wishes being granted. This not only includes the stuff we dislike, but the joys and memories that can be contained therein, as well as time is 'collective' and does not isolate certain things categorically. This I mean is, it is an 'all or nothing deal'. If you wish time would speed up, so does our joys, our youth, and the youth of our children, and the multitude of other small wonders that fill the gaps in between the time we work. In a normal week, we have 168 hours, and spend 40-ish on the job, meaning we spend less than 25% of our lives working. That 25% subsidizes the "freedom" and joy we crave. Not a bad return on investment, and one I wish I get get in interest or stocks.
I also observed that when we are also enjoying ourselves, time does appear to fly as our desires to hold onto a moment battles with the reality of fleeting time. The harder we try to hold on to our youth, joy, intimate moments, our children's youth and attention is rivaled with the reality of the clock's progression. However, I have found that when I am truly present and not bound by projection; disconnection and sadness that the event will conlcude, I can be present in the moments I cherish, and they seem to disconnect from normal time perspective, and can seem to take on a 'mystical time isolation' that is free from time that is stated on the face of a watch. We can detach and drink in the moments we crave with enduring joy not only in experience, but also in reflection, and memories that we can indellibly stamp in our lives and our minds by remaining present in our daily routines. By having one foot placed on the fast-forward button, we take that one foot and place it ahead of us, unstabilizing our footing in what can be a much more pleasant "now". So time can "slow down" when you are having fun as well if you let it...
I have found that it is how we choose to embrace time whether or not it will drag, or propel at alarming rates in what goes on now in front of us. In the grand spatial perspective of our lives, this is also true when we look back at our lives as a whole. It is our "perspective" of what is happening to us and how we label it as "good or bad" or "happy or sad" that makes the endurance tolerable. One thing though is true; time is our most precious resource. Time does not care how we feel about that which goes on around us as it ominously ticks away. Next time you are in front of your DVD player or DVR, hit the fast forward button of a movie you have never seen, and then see how much you get out of it. See how many of the details you remember. How interesting is the dialogue? One thing is for certain, there is no rewind button in life.
So as I continued through out the day, as I examined those comments from people wishing the day/week to be over, "happy hour approaches", and desires for a rapid conclusion for the week, I am reminded that I need to be more mindful of how I can throw my life into hyperdrive. No matter my will or desires, there will always be the same amount of minutes, hours, and days in a week. I cannot truly speed up or slow down time. I can only choose the perspective in which I observe it all. I have also found that we all will reach the "finish line", but I realize that is a race I really do not care to win.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I remember...
I remember stating eight years ago today, "our lives as we have known them are going to change forever!" Standing in the small crowd accumulating in our breakroom at work, we struggled to see the small TV we found to watch the day's tragic events unfolding. I remember recoiling for a moment in the realization that my statement was true and was going to effect not only me in my selfish fear of losing my beloved "comfort zones", but to the fact that this boulder in the pond, created a global ripple to where not only me, but my state, country, hemisphere, world, and future generations would feel somehow the sting of this momentary happening, that could last for generations if not eternally.
I remember, once I really tuned in, once I reached into the intuitive space in myself, I could feel the energy vacuum that was changing humanity. It was like someone adjusted the thermostat in the room, and all were unaware at first why, but they were all of a sudden uncomfortable; we were cold. The indelible images of people falling to their death, the realization that we were repeadtedly being exposed to a massive execution not only of innocent human beings, but to an era, and that of a collective spirit. We were watching our world change to what we most feared, right before our eyes in living color.
In retrospect I now also see, not only in a fear of an unobserved predator preying upon us, but that it was that "suckerpunch" to our smug attitude of invulnerability and our slow to respond indifference to the fact that there is a force that "does not agree", was willing to do what it takes to rob those of their sense of security and that all will remain "rosey" as long as we keep our chin up and chest out. It was this event that got our attention.
I see over time, after fear has subsided, that at least an awareness level has been challenged to awaken in us; this level requiring us to become awake and respectful of that which occurs around us. Not from a paranoia standpoint, yet these events pose obvious opposition to that statement, but to the fact that it is difficult to impose global views and doctrines upon the masses and expect total participation. There needs to be a mindset of understanding, and acceptance, not endorsement or participation, but simply to understand that which occurs and impacts our world. Most importanly, our conciousness in that, and our desire to open up, as opposed to close up, is what will allow us to move forward in a world that perhaps will respect, as opposed to place violent judgment upon that which frightens them or that which challenges their doctrines or dogma. A lofty ambition I know, but I see a shift occuring.
Aside from any stance on war, isolation, pre-emptive miliatry involvement, sanctions, and the like, diplomacy can start on a level of individual participation. We can try to seek a desire to build not only our buildings and defense, but relationships closest to us, in that of one of understanding. Again, it does not have to be an endorsement of any practice or activity, but I have found understanding dispels irrational fear, whcih may be a step toward finding our peace in the insanity of the events giving a unique meaning to today's date. We do not have to sit down nor cower over that which we know in our conciousness is humanly wrong either. I see now since the years have slowly passed, and the bleeding wounds have evolved into scar tissue, our resolve has changed from the intial fear to that of trying to insure that we will never experience an event like this, especially on our soil again. The horrific event of that day caused brother and sister, stranger and friend to unite toward one goal of restoration and resurrection of a state of common peace and security.
What I have seen also is the appreciation of that which was once common. Our armed forces, our local law enforcement and public service men and women for example. We find gratitude when our parents and children arrive at our door safe. We can find a small degree of solace of understanding better those who choose not to yet understand us. We have an awareness of how other feel about our actions and to some event we have found the world holds us accountable on their terms as well. We can now appreciate what we have that made this country great to begin with, yet over years eroded into something taken for granted. At times we have to lose something to feel the value of that we once had. Sometimes the message is unfortunatley in direct proportion to the intensity of how bad we need to receive it. Sadly our message came at the senseless loss of innocent human lives. Yet we rally. We emerge. We rebuild.
I have seen today many, many shows in positve remeberence of those who have fallen and gave the ultimate gift of themselves in service of others. I have also seen a proliferation of available TV shows rehashing the graphic events allowing us to vividly expereince the nightmare once again. Even in a historical context, today should, in my opinion allow us to look upward and extend a thanks to those who fell and not indulge in the media blitz reminding us of how sad, mad, or fearful we should be. While looking upward, say a prayer that we never have to experience an event like that ever again. We can also give a nod of thanks for the awareness we have been blessed with and our evolution, no matter how uncomfortable, that allows us now to appreciate the world in a new frame with a new resolve. We can now place a level of gratitude upon the simple things like our family arriving home safe to us as there are many who are still out there fighting to insure that we someday all may be able to have that level of security.
My heart extends to those who have the void of a lost loved one. My soul aches for those in foreign lands whose days exist only to devise ways to destroy those they hate under some religious doctrine. I lament for those who are dodging bullets, and for those who have to make the decision to send them into battle. I feel for those whose children are carrying out the military tasks, as my kids are home and safe with only the threat of being out of their favorite cereal facing them. I thank those families and soldiers. I am blessed to live in America. Finally - if you are going to spend the day in reflection, do it with a moment of gratitude and love for those that have been taken from us not only on 9/11, but the days afterward, and those who suffer daily from the loss of a loved one, or those protecting us from having to endure it again. We all stand and suffer as one, and we all shall recover together as one. It is that which hurts the most that often becomes our strongest glue.
I remember, once I really tuned in, once I reached into the intuitive space in myself, I could feel the energy vacuum that was changing humanity. It was like someone adjusted the thermostat in the room, and all were unaware at first why, but they were all of a sudden uncomfortable; we were cold. The indelible images of people falling to their death, the realization that we were repeadtedly being exposed to a massive execution not only of innocent human beings, but to an era, and that of a collective spirit. We were watching our world change to what we most feared, right before our eyes in living color.
In retrospect I now also see, not only in a fear of an unobserved predator preying upon us, but that it was that "suckerpunch" to our smug attitude of invulnerability and our slow to respond indifference to the fact that there is a force that "does not agree", was willing to do what it takes to rob those of their sense of security and that all will remain "rosey" as long as we keep our chin up and chest out. It was this event that got our attention.
I see over time, after fear has subsided, that at least an awareness level has been challenged to awaken in us; this level requiring us to become awake and respectful of that which occurs around us. Not from a paranoia standpoint, yet these events pose obvious opposition to that statement, but to the fact that it is difficult to impose global views and doctrines upon the masses and expect total participation. There needs to be a mindset of understanding, and acceptance, not endorsement or participation, but simply to understand that which occurs and impacts our world. Most importanly, our conciousness in that, and our desire to open up, as opposed to close up, is what will allow us to move forward in a world that perhaps will respect, as opposed to place violent judgment upon that which frightens them or that which challenges their doctrines or dogma. A lofty ambition I know, but I see a shift occuring.
Aside from any stance on war, isolation, pre-emptive miliatry involvement, sanctions, and the like, diplomacy can start on a level of individual participation. We can try to seek a desire to build not only our buildings and defense, but relationships closest to us, in that of one of understanding. Again, it does not have to be an endorsement of any practice or activity, but I have found understanding dispels irrational fear, whcih may be a step toward finding our peace in the insanity of the events giving a unique meaning to today's date. We do not have to sit down nor cower over that which we know in our conciousness is humanly wrong either. I see now since the years have slowly passed, and the bleeding wounds have evolved into scar tissue, our resolve has changed from the intial fear to that of trying to insure that we will never experience an event like this, especially on our soil again. The horrific event of that day caused brother and sister, stranger and friend to unite toward one goal of restoration and resurrection of a state of common peace and security.
What I have seen also is the appreciation of that which was once common. Our armed forces, our local law enforcement and public service men and women for example. We find gratitude when our parents and children arrive at our door safe. We can find a small degree of solace of understanding better those who choose not to yet understand us. We have an awareness of how other feel about our actions and to some event we have found the world holds us accountable on their terms as well. We can now appreciate what we have that made this country great to begin with, yet over years eroded into something taken for granted. At times we have to lose something to feel the value of that we once had. Sometimes the message is unfortunatley in direct proportion to the intensity of how bad we need to receive it. Sadly our message came at the senseless loss of innocent human lives. Yet we rally. We emerge. We rebuild.
I have seen today many, many shows in positve remeberence of those who have fallen and gave the ultimate gift of themselves in service of others. I have also seen a proliferation of available TV shows rehashing the graphic events allowing us to vividly expereince the nightmare once again. Even in a historical context, today should, in my opinion allow us to look upward and extend a thanks to those who fell and not indulge in the media blitz reminding us of how sad, mad, or fearful we should be. While looking upward, say a prayer that we never have to experience an event like that ever again. We can also give a nod of thanks for the awareness we have been blessed with and our evolution, no matter how uncomfortable, that allows us now to appreciate the world in a new frame with a new resolve. We can now place a level of gratitude upon the simple things like our family arriving home safe to us as there are many who are still out there fighting to insure that we someday all may be able to have that level of security.
My heart extends to those who have the void of a lost loved one. My soul aches for those in foreign lands whose days exist only to devise ways to destroy those they hate under some religious doctrine. I lament for those who are dodging bullets, and for those who have to make the decision to send them into battle. I feel for those whose children are carrying out the military tasks, as my kids are home and safe with only the threat of being out of their favorite cereal facing them. I thank those families and soldiers. I am blessed to live in America. Finally - if you are going to spend the day in reflection, do it with a moment of gratitude and love for those that have been taken from us not only on 9/11, but the days afterward, and those who suffer daily from the loss of a loved one, or those protecting us from having to endure it again. We all stand and suffer as one, and we all shall recover together as one. It is that which hurts the most that often becomes our strongest glue.
Monday, September 7, 2009
The power to heal...
As a kid my friends and I used to talk with one another, vivid imaginations active, about what type of "super power" we would want to have. Of course super strength topped many a list, cool outfits, and emulation of our favorite comic book heroes also were discussed. Upon adolescence, X-ray vision of course was a pre-pubescent must, but for some reason I always defaulted to that of wishing I could "heal".
I always found the power of healing amazing from hearing stories of Jesus' amazing feats to those of fantasy lore in the charachters I would play in Dungeons and Dragons, Warcraft, and the like. I always found it not only noble, but necessary to be able to resurrect, restore, and to revive those in dire straights. I thought, "how cool would that be to be able to simply bring someone back from illness or pain?" I know how awful that certain conditions can be and yes, being able to bench press a dump truck may get the chicks, but to be able to eliminate pain and illness, now that's where the heroes are.
This became more real to me, and the reality of helplessness in this ability as through my life I have experienced infirmity and illness, as well as having had cancer take the lives of loved ones and many near misses along the way. Maybe it is my ego coupled with the difiiculty in surrendering to a Divine intervention or understanding when the medical miracles I request are not met in my time frame, but I always gravitate to those in pain or in need out of love I would say, but am always placing myself in a state to where I wish I was able to do more. I resort back to my childhood dream of being able to call on a lightning bolt from God to come down from heaven to "shock" away the illness and to solve the issues of those in need or those who suffer. I truly realize that "I" am totally out of the equation, and that "I" have nothing to do with the intervention or lack thereof, and my empathetic nature and hopeless romantic side allow me to follow the tractor beam back to these feelings. Yes, I still wish I could help, and I do know that it is in God's hands, and my human and egoic dream would be that His hands were mine, if only for a moment to where I could "Zap" away everyone's pain.
I spent the morning today arising at 5:00 am to meet with a dear friend who suffers from a form of muscular dystrophy and yet is blessed to be an on-air spokesperson for the local Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. Amy is witty, spiritual, beautiful, and is a true role model for anyone who ever tries to let their circumstances get the best of them. If you give her lemons, she not only makes lemonade, but makes it for everyone, and would make sandwiches, turn on the music, and set the table with fresh flowers if you get where I am coming from. She makes the most of every day to where I, and many others could be considered so lucky.
In watching her prepare for her day today, she appeared in all her glory as this, as she puts it, is like her "summer camp". Since she is considered "too old" to be a "Jerry's kid", she is a "Jerry's adult" and helps rally the troops at the telethon, and does what it takes to be the best cheerleader for the kids. She is heaven on wheels, and her robust zest for life is enchanting. All this being said is I find myself wishing back to when I did as a kid that I could magically call upon a mystical ability to wipe away her disability. As I watch her valiantly struggle with the tasks that healthy hands engage in daily, putting on shoes, taking a sip of coffee, applying makeup, I find that I get, I don't want to call it angry, but what it is I am not sure, but I wish that I did not feel this way toward the hand she has been dealt as she deals with her tasks without much agitation all things considered; I also find I struggle with this apparently more than she. Even without the use of her legs, she stands taller than I.
Upon completion of her hair makeover I do for her in her hotel room every year to get her ready for the annual TV appearance, she always gives me a genuine hug, and she radiates gratitude for the skill I love to generously share with her. In the salon, her hair services only cost her brownies, in the hotel for the telethon every year, only a hug. We are "square" on all accounts.
When I returned home, I quickly turned on the TV to see Amy on TV in her royal purple dress with her jeweled accents glistening, and her hair a golden blonde curled as if she were rolling down the red carpet. I think that that would pale in comparison to her as not only is she able to be on TV in all her engaging glory, but she is doing what she loves most and is bringing a raised conciousness to those in need. She always places others far before her in line when it comes to needing the healing hand. She works a twelve hour shift, in a tight dress, confined to a chair, under hot lights, suffering from effects of diabetes, and does it with a never ending smile. She will not stop if at all possible until she feels her message is heard, and the kids are recognized. She has the power to heal...
Before writing this I looked up the definition of "Heal" to see what it said. I expected to "cure" and "to remove illness" and the like, but what I found interesting is the component that I noticed I can actively and immediately participate in, right now. The definition mentioned, " to restore a person, and to make someone right". I realized that what Amy often wanted from me was indeed "healing", but my kind of healing in her eyes. My simple and "taken for granted gift" of being able to restore her beauty and to make her feel better and to like what she saw in the mirror was how I was able to "heal" her. I have often seen her elevate to a state of unparalled happiness after being pampered. Her light and energy then is restored to where she is charged enough to share that light with others. By being able to give of ourselves unselfishly, we can heal to the greatest capacity we as mortals can possibly offer. In my studies of other healing arts, I realize with the intention and motivation of love in that we do for the wellness of others is truly "healing". In "healing" others, we can then indirectly connect to those they touch and create a contagious avalanche of healing that extends far beyond our reach. I find now that to "heal" is to "restore" others and to let the "miracles" come from God. I have my role, and to feel sorry for myself, even on the behalf of others drains the energy I have to give in the benefit of others. I realized today that I can truly heal, as well as am grateful to have spent time in the presence of another healer as well. Our gifts are personal and individualized, but join synergistically to help all those we encounter.
I see now that I, as well as others, have the power to heal. I may not be able to remove leprosy, but my gifts are unique and are divinely inspired. I also see that most everyone has a special ability to heal if they choose to share it. To be aware of this ability I feel we must not seek that "power" we wish we had, but be in tune to that which we see that others may need. I must finally realize too that healing in and of itself may not come in the form of of removing one's infirmity entirely, but that we can offer a breif reprieve to where they can feel whole and human even if only temporarily. This "power" may appear in our connection and presence with another, kind words or a warm gesture, and for me, sometimes healing can materialize in a simple can of hairspray.
Namaste'
TRG
I always found the power of healing amazing from hearing stories of Jesus' amazing feats to those of fantasy lore in the charachters I would play in Dungeons and Dragons, Warcraft, and the like. I always found it not only noble, but necessary to be able to resurrect, restore, and to revive those in dire straights. I thought, "how cool would that be to be able to simply bring someone back from illness or pain?" I know how awful that certain conditions can be and yes, being able to bench press a dump truck may get the chicks, but to be able to eliminate pain and illness, now that's where the heroes are.
This became more real to me, and the reality of helplessness in this ability as through my life I have experienced infirmity and illness, as well as having had cancer take the lives of loved ones and many near misses along the way. Maybe it is my ego coupled with the difiiculty in surrendering to a Divine intervention or understanding when the medical miracles I request are not met in my time frame, but I always gravitate to those in pain or in need out of love I would say, but am always placing myself in a state to where I wish I was able to do more. I resort back to my childhood dream of being able to call on a lightning bolt from God to come down from heaven to "shock" away the illness and to solve the issues of those in need or those who suffer. I truly realize that "I" am totally out of the equation, and that "I" have nothing to do with the intervention or lack thereof, and my empathetic nature and hopeless romantic side allow me to follow the tractor beam back to these feelings. Yes, I still wish I could help, and I do know that it is in God's hands, and my human and egoic dream would be that His hands were mine, if only for a moment to where I could "Zap" away everyone's pain.
I spent the morning today arising at 5:00 am to meet with a dear friend who suffers from a form of muscular dystrophy and yet is blessed to be an on-air spokesperson for the local Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. Amy is witty, spiritual, beautiful, and is a true role model for anyone who ever tries to let their circumstances get the best of them. If you give her lemons, she not only makes lemonade, but makes it for everyone, and would make sandwiches, turn on the music, and set the table with fresh flowers if you get where I am coming from. She makes the most of every day to where I, and many others could be considered so lucky.
In watching her prepare for her day today, she appeared in all her glory as this, as she puts it, is like her "summer camp". Since she is considered "too old" to be a "Jerry's kid", she is a "Jerry's adult" and helps rally the troops at the telethon, and does what it takes to be the best cheerleader for the kids. She is heaven on wheels, and her robust zest for life is enchanting. All this being said is I find myself wishing back to when I did as a kid that I could magically call upon a mystical ability to wipe away her disability. As I watch her valiantly struggle with the tasks that healthy hands engage in daily, putting on shoes, taking a sip of coffee, applying makeup, I find that I get, I don't want to call it angry, but what it is I am not sure, but I wish that I did not feel this way toward the hand she has been dealt as she deals with her tasks without much agitation all things considered; I also find I struggle with this apparently more than she. Even without the use of her legs, she stands taller than I.
Upon completion of her hair makeover I do for her in her hotel room every year to get her ready for the annual TV appearance, she always gives me a genuine hug, and she radiates gratitude for the skill I love to generously share with her. In the salon, her hair services only cost her brownies, in the hotel for the telethon every year, only a hug. We are "square" on all accounts.
When I returned home, I quickly turned on the TV to see Amy on TV in her royal purple dress with her jeweled accents glistening, and her hair a golden blonde curled as if she were rolling down the red carpet. I think that that would pale in comparison to her as not only is she able to be on TV in all her engaging glory, but she is doing what she loves most and is bringing a raised conciousness to those in need. She always places others far before her in line when it comes to needing the healing hand. She works a twelve hour shift, in a tight dress, confined to a chair, under hot lights, suffering from effects of diabetes, and does it with a never ending smile. She will not stop if at all possible until she feels her message is heard, and the kids are recognized. She has the power to heal...
Before writing this I looked up the definition of "Heal" to see what it said. I expected to "cure" and "to remove illness" and the like, but what I found interesting is the component that I noticed I can actively and immediately participate in, right now. The definition mentioned, " to restore a person, and to make someone right". I realized that what Amy often wanted from me was indeed "healing", but my kind of healing in her eyes. My simple and "taken for granted gift" of being able to restore her beauty and to make her feel better and to like what she saw in the mirror was how I was able to "heal" her. I have often seen her elevate to a state of unparalled happiness after being pampered. Her light and energy then is restored to where she is charged enough to share that light with others. By being able to give of ourselves unselfishly, we can heal to the greatest capacity we as mortals can possibly offer. In my studies of other healing arts, I realize with the intention and motivation of love in that we do for the wellness of others is truly "healing". In "healing" others, we can then indirectly connect to those they touch and create a contagious avalanche of healing that extends far beyond our reach. I find now that to "heal" is to "restore" others and to let the "miracles" come from God. I have my role, and to feel sorry for myself, even on the behalf of others drains the energy I have to give in the benefit of others. I realized today that I can truly heal, as well as am grateful to have spent time in the presence of another healer as well. Our gifts are personal and individualized, but join synergistically to help all those we encounter.
I see now that I, as well as others, have the power to heal. I may not be able to remove leprosy, but my gifts are unique and are divinely inspired. I also see that most everyone has a special ability to heal if they choose to share it. To be aware of this ability I feel we must not seek that "power" we wish we had, but be in tune to that which we see that others may need. I must finally realize too that healing in and of itself may not come in the form of of removing one's infirmity entirely, but that we can offer a breif reprieve to where they can feel whole and human even if only temporarily. This "power" may appear in our connection and presence with another, kind words or a warm gesture, and for me, sometimes healing can materialize in a simple can of hairspray.
Namaste'
TRG
Friday, September 4, 2009
Hurry up!
I spend many a mornings bellering "hurry up" to my children. I get up early myself to enjoy some coffee, and to be able to assimilate to the day's routine, so I factor in the "sleepy time" my kids require to get going in the morning and to ready themselves for the walk to school. I also accompany my young son who is in kindergarten, but my daughter, 11, speeds ahead as walking with us is less "cool" than it used to be.
I will allow them time to open their eyes, and to stretch and remain silent without rousing them too much as that is what I would want, and then slowly escalate the nudges to where by the end of the hour, I am "sargeanting" them to "make sure they have their backpacks", to "make sure they eat", to "brush their teeth", and the usual list of requirements to get out the door prepared. I find tht I often am proclaiming that, " we are gonna be late, hurry up!" I spend alot of energy in trying to move their internal "dials" to panic mode as I am pacing the floor, "hurry up", to the other room, "hurry up", and then repoeating this pattern until my kids cross the finish line, which truly is the starting point of the day.
Since this is the start of a new year of school, and I am starting a new way of thinking, I have become mindful of these old behaviors escaping, and to the mention of my son yesterday that we had to "hurry" along our walk as to "not be late"; I noticed I was negatively programming him to always be looking ahead to "not be late" and realized maybe I needed to either switch to decaf, get up earlier or both, but the morning bonding does not need the stressful overtone of impending tardiness.
Today I noticed I nudged a bit (old behavior), but with a simple "don't forget your hoodie", and a " you ready to roll kids?" The same departure time, but new perspective. The air was crisp and the walk pleasnt and it was nice just observing my son skipping, and strolling as 5 year olds do, erratic. He will twirl, pick up a leaf, make a gun out of a stick, push the cross walk button repeatedly, and all without the focus or lack thereof of a youth. I should be so lucky.
We briefly sat in the schools window sill ledge, and had idle chats withother parents. I noticed the other folks and tried to simply soak in the moment. I noticed different energies and observed others who appeared to be in a "hurry" too. I then looked down to see my son wrapped around my arm with a huge contented smile as we bonded and figured, if I am pushing him so far ahead to be on time, he wont have the time to be "here" with me.
As I walked home after handing my son off to his teacher, I plugged my headphones into my ears for the nice stroll home. I observed parents with children locked in a hand to hand embrace as they interacted. On the way home, the pressure of "being on time" was relieved and the parents were walking with younger siblings to return home to await the elder sibs. The pleasant interaction and engaging nature was a happy one that I observed. Kids noticing how "tall" they were as the morning sun stretchd their shadows to only heights they could dream of reaching some day. A random hand flipping the dew off the branches then a casual brush of the moisture on clothing upon noticing the cold moisture...It is not "ignorance" of time, but "innocence" of it that our kids have, and we often enter into the reciprocated form. We could only be so lucky as to re-engage into the wonder of our children in the mornings. To start our day without stress and that of wonder, to look at the world through 5 year old eyes again... to be that lucky...
I find it funny that I was encouraging so much "hurry up" in these times as these are the times I am safe and home with those I love. These are the moments many look back and reflect that were among the most special. Why am I rushing them along to be lost in the dust of oligation? Both my kids will ventually find it no longer "cool" to spend this time with me, at least for a while, why not at least drink in what I can when I have it in front of me. What am I trying to hurry up to? Work? Stress? The "real world"? Why would I want to speed up kissing my kids on the head to wake them? Why speed up holding the hand of my son and listen to him humming a random song he learned in school awkwardly navigating through the words? Hurry to get to what? I spend all day yearning to get back to here to often only "hurry" it away.
With awareness I can work on this and try to rework my morning pattern. It takes time, and with that precious resource fleeting, I must make a solid attempt quickly. I can spend time, or waste time, but now I must manage it better. If we find that these moments in our life are not among the most blessed, perhpas we are doing it wrong...
I will allow them time to open their eyes, and to stretch and remain silent without rousing them too much as that is what I would want, and then slowly escalate the nudges to where by the end of the hour, I am "sargeanting" them to "make sure they have their backpacks", to "make sure they eat", to "brush their teeth", and the usual list of requirements to get out the door prepared. I find tht I often am proclaiming that, " we are gonna be late, hurry up!" I spend alot of energy in trying to move their internal "dials" to panic mode as I am pacing the floor, "hurry up", to the other room, "hurry up", and then repoeating this pattern until my kids cross the finish line, which truly is the starting point of the day.
Since this is the start of a new year of school, and I am starting a new way of thinking, I have become mindful of these old behaviors escaping, and to the mention of my son yesterday that we had to "hurry" along our walk as to "not be late"; I noticed I was negatively programming him to always be looking ahead to "not be late" and realized maybe I needed to either switch to decaf, get up earlier or both, but the morning bonding does not need the stressful overtone of impending tardiness.
Today I noticed I nudged a bit (old behavior), but with a simple "don't forget your hoodie", and a " you ready to roll kids?" The same departure time, but new perspective. The air was crisp and the walk pleasnt and it was nice just observing my son skipping, and strolling as 5 year olds do, erratic. He will twirl, pick up a leaf, make a gun out of a stick, push the cross walk button repeatedly, and all without the focus or lack thereof of a youth. I should be so lucky.
We briefly sat in the schools window sill ledge, and had idle chats withother parents. I noticed the other folks and tried to simply soak in the moment. I noticed different energies and observed others who appeared to be in a "hurry" too. I then looked down to see my son wrapped around my arm with a huge contented smile as we bonded and figured, if I am pushing him so far ahead to be on time, he wont have the time to be "here" with me.
As I walked home after handing my son off to his teacher, I plugged my headphones into my ears for the nice stroll home. I observed parents with children locked in a hand to hand embrace as they interacted. On the way home, the pressure of "being on time" was relieved and the parents were walking with younger siblings to return home to await the elder sibs. The pleasant interaction and engaging nature was a happy one that I observed. Kids noticing how "tall" they were as the morning sun stretchd their shadows to only heights they could dream of reaching some day. A random hand flipping the dew off the branches then a casual brush of the moisture on clothing upon noticing the cold moisture...It is not "ignorance" of time, but "innocence" of it that our kids have, and we often enter into the reciprocated form. We could only be so lucky as to re-engage into the wonder of our children in the mornings. To start our day without stress and that of wonder, to look at the world through 5 year old eyes again... to be that lucky...
I find it funny that I was encouraging so much "hurry up" in these times as these are the times I am safe and home with those I love. These are the moments many look back and reflect that were among the most special. Why am I rushing them along to be lost in the dust of oligation? Both my kids will ventually find it no longer "cool" to spend this time with me, at least for a while, why not at least drink in what I can when I have it in front of me. What am I trying to hurry up to? Work? Stress? The "real world"? Why would I want to speed up kissing my kids on the head to wake them? Why speed up holding the hand of my son and listen to him humming a random song he learned in school awkwardly navigating through the words? Hurry to get to what? I spend all day yearning to get back to here to often only "hurry" it away.
With awareness I can work on this and try to rework my morning pattern. It takes time, and with that precious resource fleeting, I must make a solid attempt quickly. I can spend time, or waste time, but now I must manage it better. If we find that these moments in our life are not among the most blessed, perhpas we are doing it wrong...
