Winter's Warm Embrace

     I am from the middle of Ohio, in the middle of the Snow Belt, from the mid west. I understand the laments and fading “sunny” demeanor of those who do not favor the ‘grayscale’ tone our skies take on for nearly half a year. We often endure, (what my daughter finds humor in), what I call “snain”. It is a nasty mixture of precipitation teetering between snow and rain; like sleet but less icy.


     I guess I too find the melancholy mood that I sink into, not necessarily “SAD” (Seasonal Affect Disorder), but that an end is approaching. Finality. Cold. Slumber. Death? As I reflected on writing today I guess that the perspective I choose in approaching this perennial and cyclical event we call “winter” is up to me to either find the boon or burden in. As long as my roots bind me to central Ohio, the winter here is as predictable as the orange barrels that blossom along our highways come springtime.

     What I see upon examining the onset of winter is a feeling I got at the end of a summer evening when I played outside with my friends as a youth. All good things will and do come to an end. The activities that occur in one day must cease, then there is a regroup, recharge, and renew that must occur for us to venture out yet again after a good night’s repose.

     We would be called in to our homes, often fed, bathed, and surrounded by our families for the evening’s fellowship and activities, punctuated by recounts of the day’s events, to later lie in the comfort of our blanketed cocoon, to rise again for what awaits us upon the new day.

     I see winter in this way - whereas with the cycle of the daily sun, the “seasonal sun” too must set. As the daylight does fade and temperature drop during summer days, so it does in winter just to a greater extreme in the drop and duration. It is as if “mother” has called us all in to calm down, surround ourselves with family, and refresh and renew for a new recharged perspective. This separation from the comfort of flip flops and misty pool sides will then embrace “snuggies”, warm fires, and the body heat of those we love as we lounge by a fire like a seasonal “palate cleanser”. We can bond as a family to momentarily distract from the temptation to frolic separately by a warmer season’s lure.

     It is also the months with the bite of frozen air, the bulk of winter’s layers, and the inflated shapes of people with faces cast downward to avoid the bluster and bluff - that instills in us the appreciation for the upcoming gifts of color, warmth, life and beauty we will once again be rewarded with in spring’s transition.

     Let us not forget too that it is hard to have a “grassball” fight and slide down a hill on a plastic disc in mid July. Winter also hosts some of our most endeared and celebrated holidays where we are reminded of giving thanks, spiritual celebration, and a call to remember our fellow man. Add to that too the awakening of a new year full of new hope and renewed will power to often tackle a forgotten goal or new one realized. February lets us celebrate Valentine’s Day - remembering those we love with simple gestures adorned with glitter and accompanied by chocolate delights. March brings in the thrill of seeing the first Robin, the first stalk of green breeching the earth to seek the sun as we cast our attention back to the brown skeletal trees awaiting their blooming foliage.

     As I am “called home” for winter season, I find I act as I often used to when I pouted with a saddened “awwww”, knowing that the fun had to end. Balance is the ultimate lesson in all this. It is the pendulum’s sway of the seasons that show us the gifts they all have to offer, and the anticipation of the next season’s blessings is like a Christmas gift we hold and rattle before opening.

     With my “awwww’s” spent and returning inside to congregate with those I cherish the most for a few months, I see that it is winter’s drop in temperatures and related activities that place me at the side of my loved ones to be reminded of who and what is important to me.

     Yet, as do the insects rising from cocoons and animals from hibernation, we will emerge energized from our domiciles to benefit from a seasonal slumber. Once again we will be reminded that it is the retuning to the nest we do in winter that allows to us soar in the summer sun.

A few of my favorite things

     I may often be accused of being a "packrat". Yes I will say to the minimalist I do have an abundance of stuff that I accumulate, but mainly in my personal space such as my office or personal top drawer of my dresser; yes, my "junk drawer". I prefer to label myself as "sentimental" or that I hold onto life's mementos, but I try to keep it under control and not be fodder for episodes of Clean House or worse yet to be "that guy" that you may encounter as the male equivalent of the "cat lady" who mysteriously peeks occasionally through the blinds and has oatmeal cartons from 10 years ago still thinking Y2K is "just a bit late".

     I have found that I enjoy having little random and obscure items that remind me of people, places or things that I can upon occasion pick up, reflect, smile and return to the location in which I found them that acts as a time capsule of thought I can open at will and be momentarily projected back in time. Some things I consider lucky unlike the barbaric rabbits foot from my youth. Wasn't lucky for the rabbit! Some I consider little trinkets that remind me of a lesson, a "lovely parting gift" from a place I enjoy, or a gesture of love from someone I admire or adore.

     I find many people in a quest for a pristine space or a showcase to one's hard work or status such as their home, at times has people feeling that holding onto certain things can be counterproductive; that not only is it being over nostalgic, but just plain old messy. I find that true in some instances and if you are indeed creating "mouse condos", have Sears catalogues with the name "Roebuck" still on the cover, yes you may need an intervention. I am talking about holding on to little items, tokens of an inside joke, photos of a moment you do not want to forget the imagery as fast as the ones in the albums and drawers.

    I have found that in my personal space I have what I consider little "shrines" of pocket sized lessons, amulets, and doo-dads that keep me connected to the person or message that I find emanating from the object. These unique and random items come together to create a story of who I am, wish to be, or strive to be and I can easily take one with me should I need the message to become memorable or simply portable.

     A few of my favorite things on my desktop...

    I share with you now a few personal items that to a person who may invade my space and infiltrate my domain uninvited or not getting the "ten cent tour" may find garbage at best. For example, one thing on my shrine is an acorn. Quite ordinary to the unitiniated, but to me special. My son retrieved it from under a tree one day while we were on our way to a museum, and he asked what it was I gave him a description that a 5 year old could digest. His amazement that it was a "tree seed" that would grow into the shade providing wonder we stood under was profound. The few moments of silence he stood there examining this brilliant obeject in his hand was astounding actually. He asked me to hold it for him as if he were asking me to hold the key to the kingdom of heaven. The message in the object? Live life with the wonder of a child.

   I also have a small glass container with some shell pieces in it. Should someone who does not know me see these items, they may ask what happened to the "pretty shells". I intentionally made a collection of these as they remind me of a beautiful walk on the beach I had one day last summer. With that walk I stood in gratitude and awe at the magnitude and the beauty of nature and the majesty of the sea. The poignant part was though that these pieces are all unique, briilliant, and shiny unlike their counterparts from where they derived. Where most collect the typical scallop shaped shellls, conch, and other familiar shapes, the seas had broken these pieces down into small but wonderful shiny objects of art. The message I got from these artifacts were that at times when we feel that we are "broken" or beyond repair, we can truly shine brightly, have great stories to tell of our journey, and that someone can still find beauty in us. They caused me to write, "only after being tossed and tumbled in life's current, do we become most brilliant, and our edges smoothed." We humans can be like those shell shards. It can be the stories we have about overcoming the insurmountable that make us interesting and of great service to our fellow man. I made a few pieces into jewelry I wear often to remind me.

    I also have many coins of varying color with varying numbers on the front. These all count the months of sobriety I have accumulated. Some of these I received from very close friends helping me celebrate crossing a chasm that I have since known others to have died from, they fell before crossing to the other side. I dont want to forget them or my mission to myself and those that count on me.

     I have stones, and twigs, and other little offerings that my kids have found sometimes in the yard, sometimes made in school, sometimes created with deep diligence, sometimes as simple as bending to pick it up. The message in these is that the gifts value has nothing to do with how much is spent on the gift, nor even the amount of time to acquire or create it. The value comes from the love and affectionate intention behind it. My sticks are worth as much as my coins.

    Many other things flank what I have mentioned; to prayers on bookmarks, jewels, crystals, and artsy objects given to me, and they all come together to remind me that I am loved, I love them, and that there are many lessons to be found outside a church and classroom as the title to my blog mentions. It is also another testimony to the "one man's trash is another man's treasure". I try not to hold onto everything not only so my family let's me live here, but so that the message is not diluted and the items have a unique significance. The items may also rotate from time to time as I may share, loan, give, or delete one to make way for another to take it's place and continue the stories and lessons I need to refelct upon from time to time.

     I have found it healthy to have a few of these things around to inspire me and visually help me stay connected in a fun way to people and moments that intersect my life's path. I commit to keeping it tidy and discreet. I truly think if anyone saw it, they may think this means something to someone. I now look at people's desks and personal spaces differently now as I have tried to justify some of my "clutter". I am respectful as to how "exposed" people have to be to my "stuff" as since it is personal, I keep it personally close and sacredly out of the path of people I share my space with. So now when I am criticizing people for their junk, and wish they may "clean that crap up", I hold my tongue a moment longer. Now I do not consider my wife's shoes on the kitchen floor a shrine to the gods, an open box of cereal on the counter sacred, nor a stack of legos sentimental, but I will respect the proverbial junk drawer with a bit more reverence, and find that it holds as many memories as it does forgotten junk.

      

Objects in the rearview mirror are larger than they appear!

 For some reason this week I have encountered a handful of people who have had a hard time dislocating their focus from the rearview mirror.  Let me explain. My life allows me the blessed ability to be in the presence of or obtain the audience of many people, and in that presence, the ability also to engage in conversation. From groups, to one on one, to social networking arenas, to blogging comments I have found it a joy to be able to broaden my contact as well as enlightenment often leveraged by current digital forums.

     Life does not allow us the instantaneous muting of one's rants through a "hide" button as does venues like Facebook, and I have found that a quest to try to understand things as opposed to negating them or chastising them is a better way of coping for me. I have noticed that some individuals I encounter perpetuate their circumstances of self pity often by looking backwards, forensically dissecting the misdeads that caused them the most suffering and pain in their lives. Then once a situation has been targeted, a current identity is attached. As it casued me to post and I stand by, "our past deeds have nothing to do with our current identity".

For example...
    I encounter a gentleman from time to time in a group setting and his circumstancial nemesis is the fact that he is trying to overcome addictions. He weekly states that he (due to his past misdeeds) "is a liar, cheat, and a thief". This not because of current practice, but past intoxicated behavior. This to me is so hindering to one's recovery as it ties you to your past by punishing oneself repeatedly with a negative title that is self chosen and with an ongoing sting. It is hard to be present when your anchor is dropped in the past.

    I encountered another beautiful young lady who has dealt with the past identity issues that accompany dealing with weight and body perception issues due to her weight and the opinion of those whom she encountered. The baggage as she mentioned has carried over into her young adulthood, and fortunately she has chosen to let go of that anchor by studying her assets as opposed to liabilities. (Not that they are liabilities at all). She now uses her insight to help others as well as cleanse her past angst.

     She learned wisely that "what we focus on is what we see"!

     I too in my life found it easy to select "armageddon" as opposed to a "speed bump" should an obstacle appear. I would also attach labels and past experiences as the barometer as to the amount of pressure I perceived it held for me. I found the past haunted me with compound interest when resurfacing for another round of a similar situation.

     I also find that I have done many things in the past; many that I perhaps having had the ability to avoid now would, but do not necessarily regret. I also do not attach the labels that are so damning just to give power to a current fleeting emotional uprising.

     Having a rough morning does not make my day "horrible". I can start it over again at any time. Breaking up with someone does not mean I have to absorb the identity my "ex" would impose upon me to make them feel better about the separation. ie. "She is a bitch, unreasonable, mean spirited." He is "lazy, worthless, ugly".
Being out of a job does not make us a "loser", and being without money does not make us "worthless". Being fat or out of shape does not make us "unloveable", nor does bald, short, thin, handicapped, slow, fast, black, white, blue, green or purple.

    I see our past needs to remain in the rearview mirror, yet our eyes need to stay focused on the road. Circumstances do not at all give birth to an identity, and we must remain aware when we feel this way. I find that when I feel a certain negative way, if I inventory the situation, I decrease its' ability to devour me. I ask, "what am I feeling?" "Why does this bother me?" "Is it permanent?" "Is this real or just how I perceive it?"
"Should I manage this or simply accept it?" These type of questions allow me to digest the situation and de-escalate. Then it becomes harder to attach the damaging lables that keep us looking to the past or to attach lables that not only harm us, but often cause us to follow a path of behavior that supports the label. "Well if I am broke, and a loser, why even look for a job?" "Why should I call him back, I am such a relationship failure anyhow?" "Everyone thinks I am fat, who cares if I eat this?" The dialogue isn't pretty when the labels are flying.

     With each encounter of a situation in life comes the ability for them to have a unique outcome regardless of the circumstance's similarity to a prior event. We all get "do-overs". Plus in the past I have taken things that did not belong to me, however I am no longer a thief. I have not lived up to my potential in past situations, but I do not choose the label of lazy or loser. I have lost loves in the past for a variety of reasons, but I do not feel unworthy now. Heck, I crapped my diaper as an infant, but that does not make me the "diaper crapper" now. How long do we hold on?  Situations are not identities!

     I feel for those who cannot yet see that we often create alot of our pain through our choice of perceptions. It is like we are not satisfied with "what is" but we have to "spin" it to become worse or more enduring than it would if we accepted, learned, and let go. I too have labeled myself with many of the above, and I too have been held down by my own self perception limiting me from bouncing back from my misdeeds or random unfortunate circumstances.  I just now realize that I have to stop looking over my shoulder being haunted by the innocence and ignorance of my past, and use it to add insight and stregnth to who I can truly become. As I have said before, " One of my biggest fears is not my inability to practice what I preach, but the inability to become aware when I am not doing so." Eyes forward my friends!