Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When she smiles at me...

     I have recently been priveledged to be surrounded by a number of friends who recently have had their first child. I remember that elation as the fear of my abilities or qualifications of being a parent were far overshadowed by the gift from heaven I held in my arms. I remember the small daily victories I encountered with my children were perhaps insignificant to some, "Oh my gosh, she opened her eyes!", "Honey come quick, she is sitting up on her own!", and of course sleeping for even a few hours strung together. I also remember being blessed with what I considered the "ultimate" love. Now I in no way diminsh or devalue the love for my spouse, parents, friends, even pets, but something happened the day my children were born. I had the ability to tangibly encounter and hold a physical manifestation of God's love in my own arms. I remember times when my daughter could not speak, and the smiles may have been gas, but interpreted them as "I love you Daddy's" that she was able to sing to me with her eyes. Her gaze held me captive, and melted even the most cynical side of me and I felt this internal warmth that seemed to flow when we quietly sat in her rocker.

     This may have been one of my first attempts from the heart and may be when I really discovered "inspiration", or being "in spirit" during writing. I remember the day I wrote this and even in winter, it felt warm. Her room was still and ever so peaceful. I also felt true gratitude perhaps for the first time, at least that I can recall. I can at least say that alot was being said in silent dialogue between she and I, as we enjoyed the divine presence accompanying us to a place I will not soon forget.

     It was the middle of the afternoon, on a winters' day, she was recently fed and had awaken from her nap. Her rocker, actually a glider by today's terms was where we sat and bonded as we just looked at each other. Nothing was being said yet alot was going on between us. I remember at one point as she way lying on my chest looking up at me content and loved, she flashed me a huge smile. She not only smiled with her toothless mouth, but her face lit up and radiated a light that I wanted to forever bathe in. I was moved.

     I remember lying her back in her crib as she drowsily fondled her "blankie", and I went to my office and began to type. Without stopping, this little poem popped up after a few minutes, and has been in a frame ever since. It is not going to make it into literary history. Maybe it is juvenile in it's rythym. I do know though that the love inspiring it's creation is something a hollywood budget could not match.

     I was fortunate to have a friend today share with me a photo of her chubby little baby girl, and she has more rolls than a Thanksgiving bread basket. As I stared at the photo, I could not help but to also catch the love and pride on Mom's face as well, and I was taken back to this little script I wrote for my baby girl a handful of years ago. My goal is to have it made into a song that we can dance to during the father daughter dance at her wedding someday. I thought I would share it with the same love and pride my friend did today in sharing the image of her baby girl. I hope you enjoy!

WHEN SHE SMILES AT ME


I have never been a wealthy man
To any such degree;
I confess I prayed for riches,
but thought God never answered me.
I tried to climb the ladder
To achieve a sense of worth;
But my fortune was waiting for me
upon your precious birth.

You light my life,
You show me love
In ways I could never see;
God thanks for giving me everything
when she smiles at me.

When I gaze into your eyes
Innocent and crystal blue; my faith in life, my faith in love,
My faith in self renew.
I realize I have a mission, to guide and hold you tight
To nurture your very being;
To teach you wrong from right.

You light my life,
You show me love
In ways I could never see;
God thanks for giving me everything
when she smiles at me.

Quiet times hold their glory for me
With your head lying on my chest;
I dream of us playing in the future,
While I watch you gently rest.
I love your laughter, your inquisitive hands,
Imagination and hope unfurl.
To me there is no greater treasure, than “Daddy’s little girl!”

You light my life,
You show me love
In ways I could never see;
God thanks for giving me everything
when she smiles at me.

There is no way to measure
Available to mankind;
To seek the simple answer
I know I’ll never find.
That is, “How much do I love you baby? –
How much do you mean to me?”
For Kings and Queens and all their means
Are not as rich as me…


You are my life!
You are my love!
Without you, I’d cease to be.
God thanks for giving me everything,
When she smiles at me.

To Alexa from Daddy (Tony Anders) 1-3-99



4 comments:

AIM said...

You wrote it perfectly. I have many times expressed to two of my best friends that do not have children, that it is hard to understand complete love until you have a child. There is nothing more in this life, to me, than the love I have for my children. Great piece Tony.

pebbleinthepond1111 said...

Of course,this took me back to similar revelations that I had while marveling at my oldest daughter when she was a tiny pink bundle of purity. She now dresses in black and has her lip pierced, but somehow she is still my tiny treasure in pink gingham. While reading, I was hearing a song in my heart. Keith Whitley sang a song entitled, "When you say nothing at all". Allison Crouse did it as well, and I played that song over and over when she was a baby. It captured the sense of gut-wrenching bliss that I felt while holding and nursing my child. To this day, when I hear that song,I cry. Hard. Like I said, I heard it all the way through this entry. I've recovered enough to type. I thought about the lip ring and the dang-near-Alice-Cooper-league-eye-liner and began to laugh. They don't stay tiny forever. That is why I am so grateful I took lots of mental notes and pictures to draw on when I want that feeling. Laughter through tears is my favorite feeling. Thanks for that. I hope I am not crossing a copyright line here by doing this but I have included the lyrics. Somehow I suspect you already know them...

WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What's being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

Beautiful Dreamer said...

You have touched my soul! I cried while reading this post, I don't have any children, but am longing and hoping for them. It's unbelievable such a beautiful poem could speak right to the heart. I am truly blessed to be able to read and share the love you have for you child. THANK YOU!

Beautiful Dreamer
http://beautifuldreamersdiary.blogspot.com/

Beautiful Dreamer said...

Thats was really nice. Your daughter is lucky to have such a great father that loves her dear. The love that you show her now will mould her into the loving caring person.

http://becomingthebestpersonicanbe.blogspot.com/